Saturday, 13 October 2007

  • So I've been fighting a battle for the last few weeks. For the longest time I've wanted to do Drum Corps during the summer. All I hear is good things about it and I see the people that come out of it and have such pride and enjoyment in what they've done, and it makes me jealous. But at the same time, I work for God during the summer. I'm a counselor at camp (I promise, that camp is where I keep 90% of my heart) and this summer I really want to do summer missions through BCM. It's a huge conflict but at the same time it's a huge temptation, if you can call it that. I was beginning to treat my ambitions of Corps just like I was treating my ambitions of being a music major, which scared me. I know where the last ambitions let. Straight to misery.

    And then, as per usual, Dad dropped in with an amazing tidbit of wisdom straight out of the late 1800s. This is what I read tonight.

    Others May, but You Cannot

    If God has called you to be really like Jesus, He will draw you into a life of crucifixion and humility, and put upon you such demands of obedience, that you will not be able to measure yourself by other Christians; and in many ways, He will seem to let to let other good people do things which He will never let you do.

    Other Christians and ministers, who seem very religious and useful, can push themselves, pull wires and work schemes to carry out their Christian goals, but these things you simply cannot do. Others may boast of their work or their writings or their success, but the Holy Spirit will not allow you to do any such thing, and if you ever try it, He will lead you into some deep mortification that will make you despise yourself and all your good works.

    Others may be allowed to succeed in making money, but most likely God will keep you poor, because He want you to have something far better than gold, namely, a helpless dependence on Him and the joy of seeing Him supply your needs day by day out of an unseen Treasury.

    The Lord may let others be honored and keep you hidden and unappreciated because He wants to produce some choice, fragrant fruit for His coming glory, which can only be produced in the shade. He may let others do a work for Him and get the credit for it, but He will make you work on and on without others knowing how much you are doing; and then, to make your work still more precious, He may let others get the credit for the work which you have done, and thus make your reward ten times greater when Jesus comes.

    The Holy Spirit will rebuke you for little words or deeds or even feelings, or for wasting your time, which other Christians never seem to be concerned about, but you must make up your mind that God is an infinite Sovereign and He has a right to do whatever He pleases with His own. He may not explain to you a thousand things which puzzle your reason in the way He deals with you, but if you will just submit yourself to Him in all things, He will wrap you up in a jealous love and bestow upon you many blessing which come only to those who are very near to His heart.

    Settle it then, that He is to have the privilege of tying your tongue, or chaining your hand, or closing your eyes, in ways that He does not seem to use with others. Now, when you are so possessed with the living God that your secret heart becomes pleased and delighted with this peculiar, personal, private, jealous guardianship and management of the Holy Spirit over your life, then you will have entered the very vestibule of heaven itself.


    —G.D. Watson (1845-1924)

    Some people may counter me and say that I'm over reacting. "It wouldn't make God upset with you if you did corps one summer." Would it though? I know how miserable I would be if I did it. I know what I'd be leaving behind for something that is fun but honestly has VERY little eternal value. What if by me going to camp and counseling a kid comes to know Christ? That's worth as many summers in Corps as you want me to march. THAT has eternal value. There is nothing wrong with Corps. I love it to death. I think it's awesome. I also don't think that right now God wants that for me. God's teaching me so much as of late. He's taught me how much home actually means to me. He's taught me WHAT home actually means to me. The same with my friends and my family. Just breathing the air at home was like medication to me. I feel more alive and more well off right now than I've felt in weeks. Athens is cool and life is good there, but it's not like home. Nothing's like home. I like being able to leave my windows down all day and drive through town with my arm hanging out the window (also it's possible to wave at every car that goes by and have people wave back whether they know me or not, even though it's likely that they DO in fact know me). I like being able to leave my doors unlocked in the middle of town- at night. I like being able to talk to 90% of the people I see on a first name basis. I like having most of who I am known. I had myself convinced for most of my high school life that nobody knew me for who I really was. This weekend has made me realize that people here really do know me, and that I wouldn't have it any other way. Sure, they may not know all the deep dark details, but I don't know theirs either and that's neither of our businesses.

    South Georgia rocks. And we won tonight. 1-6...our record is improving! We're on the up and up these days.

    -Josh

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